List of celebrities that mock Scientology

Poirat

Some of this information also came from Factnet.org

=List of Celebrities=

Douglas N. Adams
The electric monk believes anything it is told "as willingly as a Scientologist." --Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency

Steve Allen
"When I ran into you at an airport a few weeks ago there was no opportunity to have a talk, but since I have about 49 seconds free between appointments at the office this morning it occurs to me that you might be interested in an idea that I have suggested to you and other Scientologists before. When I spoke at a convention in the East quite a few months ago, a convention at which a dozen or so Scientologists were in attendance, I said something to them along the following lines:

'If I may make a suggestion to you folks, whatever your purely religious views are, you're entitled to them and they are more or less in the category of not anyone else's business.

'But I also suggest that it is not because of those views that your group doesn't have a very good reputation. There are other churches that, in the opinion of non-members, have some truly bizarre beliefs but no one dislikes the individual members as a result of those beliefs.

'The Mormons are a perfect example. No non-Mormon on Earth accepts a word of Mormon assertions about the experiences of Joseph Smith, visits with angels, golden plates, etc. But despite that fact the Mormons have a very good social reputation. A number of my personal friends are Mormons and they are for the most part lovely and socially decent people.

'But - again - the same cannot be said of Scientologists. And if I were you it would occur to me to wonder why. So, to save you a little wondering time, I'll tell you why right now. You have the reputation as just about the worst bullies this side of the National Rifle Association. I've talked this over with some of you and you've said that the terrible harassments and crimes are a thing of the past, that you've learned from your earlier mistakes, etc. That may be true, and I certainly hope it is, not only for your sake but for the sake of everyone concerned. But to be honest, many people doubt that Scientology has reformed itself in this particular regard."

-- Steve Allen, Van Nuys, CA; An Open Letter from Steve Allen to Heber Jentzsch, President, Church of Scientology, Skeptic, June 1997.

Jason Beghe
Germany event "This is Scientology:

"Scientology... is a perfect 'theta trap'."

David Bowie
"We used to call him Garson The Parson in the Spiders, poor love, when he was into Scientology. But it did cause us one or two problems. I was thinking about having him back in the band and the thing that really clinched it was hearing that he was no longer a Scientologist."

--CHANGESFIFTYBOWIE, Q Magazine, February 1997, by David Cavanagh

Diana Canova
"And Scientologists take their code of honor very seriously. 'I remember having a choking anger against anyone who ever said anything against Scientology,' says actress Diana Canova (Soap), a former member. 'I would get crazy, I was just so angry. I would have done anything for them.' ...

"During her seven years in Scientology, Canova experienced the Celebrity Centre from both sides of fame. 'When I started, I wasn't in television yet. I was a nobody - I'd done some TV, but I was not one of the elite, not by a long shot - until I did Soap. Then it became…I mean, you really are treated like royalty.' ...

"'There was always pressure to get other celebrities in,' agrees Canova. 'Once I got a call from this guy at Celebrity Centre at 6 in the morning. He says, "Diana, you've got to get over here to the hospital. Freddie Prinze has just shot himself." I used to date Freddie. This guy is freaking out. "You got to come over, and you got to get me in to see Freddie. If I can get in to see Freddie, I can save his life. I'll tell him to get back into his body." That was such a weird thing to me, the ultimate dissemination. Wouldn't it have been a coup - Scientology saves Freddie Prinze?' ...

"Canova found the Scientologists straightforward in their lust for lucre. 'The first time I walked in those doors, they said, "Just give us all the money in your bank account. You'll get it back tenfold."' When she joined, auditing prices were about $25. 'It went up to about $175 in the early '80's,' she recalls. 'That was shocking to me. I was beginning to wonder, Is it really worth it? They're telling you "Don't spend $100 an hour on a shrink's couch, it'll ruin your mind." Auditing is so much better?' ...

"Breaking up with Scientology can be very hard to do. 'It took me years before I decided to quit,' says Canova. 'I guess finally I was so fed up with being afraid. You've heard all these horror stories…I believed them.' ...

"And we listen to Canova when she warns us: 'They're capable of doing a lot of things.'"

Premiere magazine (September 1993): To Catch A Rising Star

Dana Carvey
At 3:25:

Arthur C. Clark
The late Arthur C. Clark said:

"I'm afraid that he [ L. Ron Hubbard ] went crazy, and turned a lot of other people crazy." --KFYI Radio program, Phoenix, AZ, 24 Jan 2004

Stephen Colbert
Mocked OT III:

David Duchovny
Californication:

Mike Farrell
"To this day, people who tangle with Scientology find themselves subject to aggressive efforts at intimidation. Mike Farrell, who played B.J. on the television series M*A*S*H, crossed paths with the church when he contacted the Cult Awareness Network for information on a film project about child abuse. After gaining great respect for their work, he attended a fund-raising event at a private home in Beverly Hills, where he was confronted by angry picketers.

'There were people taking photographs, being very obvious, getting video footage of the guests as they went in and out - obvious harassment,' he says. Farrell says he asked one of the pickets if he was a Scientologist, and the man said yes. In an effort to be fair, Farrell had lunch with Reverend Heber Jentzsch, president of the Church of Scientology International, and investigated Scientology's charges against CAN. The actor says he found them to be based on 'sham, invective, and distortion.' Later, at a CAN convention near the L.A. airport, Farrell encountered more angry Scientologists. 'Not only did they picket, but they sort of get in your face and give you this loud and incessant spiel that doesn't allow for dialogue - it's just a kind of attempt to intimidate.'

In the last few months Farrell has gotten numerous strange phone calls, one telling him (falsely, as it turned out) that an old friend had died. There have been so many that now when he gets calls after midnight at his home, he answers, 'Hubbard was crazy.' Sometimes, he says, there's a long silence before the caller hangs up."

--Premiere, Sept. 1993, "Catch a rising star".

William Gibson
''Marsha-momma'd get these two-hour fits of religion sometimes, come into Bobby's room and sweep all his best garbage out and gum some Godawful self-adhesive hologram up over his bed. Maybe Jesus, maybe Hubbard, maybe Virgin Mary, it didn't much matter to her when the mood was on her. It used to piss Bobby off real good, until one day he was big enough to walk into the front room with a ballpeen hammer and cock it over the Hitachi; you touch my stuff again and I'll kill your friends, Mom, all of 'em. She never tried it again. But the stick-on holograms had actually had some effect on Bobby, because religion was now something he felt he'd considered and put aside. Basically, the way he figured it, there were just some people around who needed that shit, and he guessed there always had been but he wasn't one of them, so he didn't.''

--"Count Zero"

Matt Groening
The episode 'The Joy of Sect' contains many references aimed directly at the cult. Previous postings have attributed this to a spoof of Heaven's Gate or the Moonies, but at least half the references were to Scientology! Scientology references:
 * 1) 'The Leader' - an obvious parody of L. Ron Hubbard, the leader of Scientology.
 * 2) It looked just like him (red hair, similar facial features)....
 * 3) When the leader waves out of his limo, he seems to be wearing a uniform similar to the one worn by LRH while running the infamous Sea Org....
 * 4) The 'Trillion year labor contract' mentioned in the show is a reference to the 'billion year' contract Scientologists are forced to sign with the cult.
 * 5) When Marge rescues her family from the cult, they set a legion of Lawyers after her. Scientology is infamous for its use of suing the crap out of anyone who disagrees with their beliefs
 * 6) 'Tax exempt status' mentioned by Mr. Burns. The cult fought a long battle with the IRS to get tax exempt status for their organization.
 * 7) The scene when Marge talks to Homer seriously, pointing out 'why they've got to leave'. Homer does not really listen. He is just eating a bowl of beans and compleatly innocent asks her: 'Doesn't this bean look like our well beloved Leader?'
 * 8) Lisa is harshly critisizing the 'curiculum' of the Cults school, wheras Bart is perfectly pleased. When you don't know who invenet something, won a combat, or wrote a book, you just answer 'that was our well beloved Leader', and you get an A for sure.

Bill Maher
"Religulous" documentary, also many interviews:

Steve Martin
2009 Oscars Ceremony: (video removed from YouTube due to ToS violation (copyright?)... no copies yet found.)

Elvis Presley
"F-- those people! There's no way I'll get involved with that son-of-a-bitchin' group. All they want is my money.":

(Elvis Aaron Presley: Revelations from the Memphis Mafia by Alanna Nash (with Billy Smith, Marty Lacker & Lamar Fike) &copy;1995, HarperCollins)

Jerry Seinfeld
Scientology jokes here and there:

James Spader
Explains Scientology in an episode of Boston Legal, Season: 3 Disc: 2 Episode: 5 - Who's God is it Anyway:

Howard Stern
"My dad's Jewish and my mom's a Scientologist, so I sell clay tables at half price."

"L. Ron Hubbard. 'L' stands for laughing at everybody! It's unbelievable! No, our senator [ Al D'Amato ] knows that Scientology is not a real religion, but... All right, listen to me, Senator. But, in no way I can believe that my senator believes L. Ron Hubbard is god. You should have thrown Travolta right out of there, kicked him down the steps.... Of course not. L. Ron Hubbard was a failed science fiction writer who as a goof said to a friend, 'I'm going to make a religion.'... You know it's weird, I told you this story: this was like going back twenty years when I was in college. I had just met Allison and everything, we were first going out, and her sister was down in Kenmore Square in Boston and some Scientology guy brought her in to see a movie and then they were kind of hassling her about getting out afterwards."

--All from 19 September 1997 Broadcast, "The Howard Stern Show"

Tenacious D
Q: What are The D's religious beliefs? I mean, we all know that The D is God, so we can just move that aside, but what do Kage and Jables have to say on the sub'? I seem to notice a recurring Dianetics theme in those rocket sauce and satan fueled jean creamers they call songs. Is that JB's thing? Is the "D" stand for Tenacious Dianetics? Did Rage Kage and Hollywood Jack attend the premier of Battlefield Earth?

A: No, but we infiltrated the Scientology celebrity center (a fact gathering research mission) in the hopes of doing a loosely based cult episode. but we got cold feet. those dudes are all about money and brainwashing. i can't speak for rage but i believe that god is an unfathomable force of love and cosmic sadness.

From The official Tenacious D FAQ

=See also= TOOL (band): In Song, "Aenima" TV-show Millennium Season 2, part 3:

Scrubs (tv show): At 1:06: